The mother who intimidates her children with emotional outbursts is a common kind of “crazy” woman.

This mother intimidates her daughters with fear and upsets them with her anger. When they are upset, she overreacts, with extreme emotion, in order to rule the family with an iron fist.

She always has the intimate conviction that she acts correctly, that is why she constantly gives lessons on how things should be done. If the daughter is mild, she is ashamed of the callousness with which her mother treats others.

The Dragon Lady’s obsession is with having the last word; she screams until she is made to feel righteous. She is abusive and tyrannical, bossy, she invades her childrens’ equanimity with critical judgments. Shame and humiliation are two of her best strategies and she knows how to make her children feel guilty.

She is an expert in making others feel helpless. Unlike the Ice Queen, the Dragon Lady is passionate, but her ardour revolves around herself. Her passion is cold at the core of her — and burns like dry ice.

This mother is often jealous of her daughter’s’ achievements — and intolerant of the differences between them. Daughters of these mothers are kept busy trying to defend themselves, as it is difficult for them to relate on a human level.

The explosive power of the Dragon Lad indicates she is either a fearful woman, or an abused or abandoned child. Out of fear of being hurt again, she attacks. She has memories of being treated with contempt and so any attempt to calm her is interpreted as criticism. She only feels alive when she is angry. If her anger was removed from her, she would lose her sense of identity.

To heal, the dragon lady must work to become aware of what she does to others. If she could see the consequences of her anger and recognise that she contributes to ther own problems, the Dragon Lady could change.

Psychiatrist & Writer — Writing and meditating at the intersection of psychiatry, philosophy, Buddhism and the arts. More information at