MIRROR ME
There is a story of a man who brought home to his wife one of the first mirrors made of bronze. When his wife looked into the mirror she exclaimed angrily to him, “Who is that woman you brought home?” Such is the expression — our eyebrows are often too close for us to see them. It’s difficult to recognize our own reflection or traits, favorable or unattractive, but easy to see the good and the flaws in the lives of others.
Centuries ago when the world was a simpler place, people seemed to be aware of their relationship and interdependence with each other. Perhaps they had more empathy for their friends, neighbors and those they may not have even known. News would travel of someone having an accident in some other town and everyone would spontaneously send help, food and whatever was needed as if the incident had happened to them. Standing in someone else’s shoes and feeling empathy for another’s pain was a part of the lifestyle.
You can, of course, see this kind of love, compassion and interconnectedness in people, families, cultures and places — but not overall as a world culture. Today technology has brought incredible inventions and fast communication but it has also made it easier for people to isolate themselves from others, with a false sense of security and a lack of genuine interaction or dialogue. Where we once understood and lived as an interdependent society, today we have become fragmented — our inner growth as human beings has not kept up with the fierce and unprecedented advancements of technology.
Despite the reality of the times if we believe we are connected to others and are the same inside, then, as the song goes — “We can remember that deep down inside we all need the same things” (‘We Can Be Kind’ by David Friedman). We can begin to recognize the pain others are feeling and embrace it as pain that we have felt, as part of our life. I am humbled by this reality, which I have come to believe through my own spiritual practice, and realize there is much work to be done on a personal and community level.
On the one hand it is a relief knowing we are the same inside, equal and sharing the privilege of being human. Then — the people around us, including those we have conflict with, must reflect some aspect of how we were, are or want to be. This can be liberating when we see a favorable reflection and disagreeable, uncomfortable and downright painful when the reflection is of some aspect in need of transformation. I have found that I have to be willing to deeply change myself first — then — I create room for this kind of self reflection, compassion and empathy.
I believe that every situation and person in my life is a teacher for me, mirroring some aspect of my life. If I am open to it I can bring out my very best in the very worst circumstances — and become a better person for it. In the Buddhism of the Lotus Sutra (Shakyamuni’s highest teaching) the beautiful white lotus flower blooms only in the muddy pond. It does not bloom in a blue clear swimming pool. The muddy pond is nothing other than our daily lives, which include the lives of others. And so each time I grapple with a situation or problem or person head on — I create a beautiful lotus flower.
When I look back at the times I have grown the most it has never been the easy times but always the times of challenge, confusion, difficulty or loss in my own life or in the life of someone else. Through persevering with all people and in all situations I expand my state of life and gain confidence, patience, self respect and always a victory.
