Desire vs. Communication: Is it just Chemistry?
There is a very nice song by Frank Quintero called “Química” (Chemistry), which describes the shared feeling between a man and a woman as a magnetism. The song in question says “it is a magnetism that unites us” — but is it desire or chemistry that unites them?
That chemistry thing is older than Methuselah, only with the current sexual uncovering, singers exploit sexuality to the maximum with commercial aims. Others, instead of talking about chemistry, present love as a matter of skin, but I would not say that it is about love but about desire, desire as a matter of skin.
However, something is still missing, I would complete it by saying that “desire is a matter of skin that, in addition, requires a relationship and complicity between two people, with a certain degree of compatibility or mental affinity.” Because it could happen that someone whose skin magnetizes us or attracts us, has a personality or a way of being and thinking that makes us forget or reject that desire that we feel.
That is, two components are needed: the physical (contact with the skin, attraction, pheromones) and the mental (the relationship, communication, personality). Communication allows us to admire or reject someone, even though we like them in appearance; it also offers us clues to know if that individual is suitable to be our friend.
So, if these two components, both physical and mental, come together, we can speak of a fulfilled desire; while when the mental aspect of the other produces contempt, rejection or discomfort, we speak of an unfulfilled or unfulfillable desire.
It is common that many sensations of desire remain at an unfulfillable level, although some people try the test without being sure of what they are mentally inspired by, so they fail and do not see each other again. They remember these encounters as a cold and meaningless situation, because they lacked closeness in the mental aspect.
However, since extremes are present in almost everything, there are people who place themselves at the extreme of ensuring that chemistry is more than enough for them. For example, cases have been described of women who do not require preambles to make love, which seems contradictory to me because biologically women are slower in their sexual reaction.
Men and women do not differ markedly in terms of natural instinct, what happens is that society establishes patterns of repression on feminine instincts and patterns of freedom on masculine ones.
Society imposes these patterns to try to maintain an apparent stability. The proof is that boys and girls are not raised under the same patterns of sexual education, because girls are instilled with sexual repression with a continuous repetition of the importance of reputation and decency. And perhaps, it is this very prohibition that leads so many people to try. Instead of restricting, I think that the ideal would be to educate a woman sexually so that she is free to make decisions and take care of herself, so that there would be no need to take care of them so much.
On the other hand, we continually hear songs that try to instill the importance of desire, with a permanent sexual bombardment. The blessed monotheme that all conversations in this world end up with: sex, sex and more sex!
However, despite the fact that there are more possibilities of expression and sexual practices, the truth is that the rates of frigidity, impotence, homosexuality, as well as infidelity, both female and male, have increased. And when so much is sought it is because nothing, and no one satisfies. So, is this a proof of satisfaction or frustration?
I am surprised by the modernism that we are experiencing, since it is essential for human beings to feel loved and emotionally supported, but why does modernism try to abolish the existing relationship between love and sex? A woman may desire a man, but if when she gets to know him she concludes that he is an idiot in his way of thinking, or that he is one of those who are “macho” but not men (you can be a macho and lack manliness), she will feel within herself that the desire she felt at the beginning is diminishing until it disappears.
Perhaps it is an obsolete criterion, but for me, sex should not be seen as frivolous but should be intimately linked to love, because chemistry is nothing when there are no other elements that unite two beings. The ideal is to seek the beauty and satisfaction of a true sexual union.
