A MEDITATION ON GUILT
Guilt is one of the most efficient methods that parents use for manipulating the actions of their children. The tactic, “You embarrassed us, what will the neighbors think?” is very useful. The parent uses external forces to make the child feel bad for what he did and prevents him from thinking for himself.
The illness of a parent is a mega-factory of guilt: “You’re making my blood pressure rise; you’re going to kill me.” It may even go so far as to make a child feel responsible for the death of one of his parents.
Sexual guilt imposed by parents is very common. All sexual thoughts or behavior are fertile ground for the cultivation of this feeling. “God forbids you from masturbating. It’s bad.”
In the case of marriage, pressure is placed on one of the spouses using the phrase “If you love me” in order to manipulate the other regarding something he/she did. It is as if love depends on a determined type of behavior.
Resentments, pronounced silences and pained looks are good methods to provoke guilt in others.
Parents are not the only ones putting into practice methods that produce guilt. With a tantrum in the supermarket, children can get the desired candy. And if they are not given it, then it is the parents who are not good.
Children, of course, learn to use this behavior with their parents by observing how the adults, in their world, use it to get what they want.
School and the Feeling of Guilt
Teachers are the superlative originators of guilt, and children, as they are already highly prone to suggestion, are also very easy to manipulate.
Messages like, “What a disappointment you are going to be for your mother. How can you make your parents suffer after all they have done for you?”
Other Institutions That Cause Guilt
In our society the practice of tipping does not really reflect the service, or whether the attention was of good quality, but instead the degree of guilt felt by the beneficiary of the service. Waiters and waitresses, taxi drivers, bellhops and other domestic workers have realized that most people cannot cope with the feelings of guilt caused by not behaving properly and that they will give the established tip without it bearing any relationship to the quality of service received. Thus, the ostentatious gesture of the outstretched hand along with the nasty comments produce the intended sense of guilt — and result in a big tip.
Weight-loss diets are an activity loaded with guilt. If someone who is on a diet eats candy or has chocolate ice cream, he will feel guilty for the rest of the day, recalling his moment of weakness.
Guilt and Sex
According to psychologists, sex is the activity that produces the most guilt in our society.
Parents cause guilt in children for acts or thoughts related sex — but adults are not far behind. Prior to the internet, and perhaps still, people surreptitiously entered into theaters in which pornographic movies were screened so that others did not see how depraved they were.
Those who are manipulated with feelings of guilt are condemned to live with resentment, dominated and manipulated by the desires and whims of others. One of the most common problems we face is not doing that which we want to do, instead, doing what others want us to do. We must stand our ground regarding matters and firmly maintain belief in ourselves.
It goes against human nature to be repentant for something that, at one point in time, we decided for ourselves.
